Learning To Thrive During Difficult Times
Five tips to thrive during the difficult times! Don’t forget to download the FREE guide that goes along with this post. Thriving Through Difficult Times Guide (PDF download)
We have all experienced life’s ‘hard knocks’; adversity and hardship are familiar to everyone. The question is, what do you do when life’s hard-knocks arrive at your door? Some people tend to shut down, while others rise up and overcome. I find it more common for people to get overwhelmed and exhausted by life’s grueling trials. I used to get so overwhelmed by how hard life was that I missed years of living. Even though life isn’t any easier now, I’ve learned how to THRIVE during hard seasons by practicing better habits and applying things I’ve learned through past experiences.
After living five years in the northeast, completely isolated and alone, I was a wreck!
I had five children, four of whom were six and under.
When my husband accepted a job requiring us to move across the country, we left all our family and friends behind on the West Coast.
We lived in two different states and moved four times in those five years, so making and keeping friends while living in the Northeast was almost impossible! Not to mention, because of the isolation and depression, I experienced crippling anxiety that prevented me from going out of the house and talking with people openly.
During those years, I can honestly say that I was not thriving. I was not living; I was simply existing.
If you are simply existing during a hard season of life right now, I want to encourage you with these five tips I’ve learned over the many years of overcoming great adversity and trials.
# 1 Negative Thoughts
Your mind is a powerful thing. If we focus on negative rather than positive things, we will obsess over all that is wrong in our lives. As hard as it may be, if we practice thinking about what is good, true, right, pure, and just, we will experience peace in our hearts and minds.
If you don’t believe me, trust the Word of God. Philippians 4:8-9 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
When I was in the Northeast, I was obsessed with thinking about all the problems and everything about my life I didn’t like. I thought I was going to DIE out there. I thought the challenging season of life would never pass me by, and I would be forever in a state of depression and loneliness. I know all of that sounds super dramatic, but that is what focusing on negativity does to our thoughts and minds. If we fixate on lies, they become our reality, and I believed many lies! When this is our state of mind, we are also in a state of self-destruction, and if left alone long enough, our negative thoughts can completely ruin our lives, experiences, and, most importantly, our MINDS.
Jennie Allen wrote a book called ‘Get Out of Your Head’. In the book, she discusses how our thoughts activate neurotransmitters responsible for our body’s functions. When we have positive thoughts, there is brain growth, and when brain growth happens, pathways form and our thinking improves! Scientifically, they have shown that positive thinking improves our overall health conditions.
It takes practice to think about what is good. It takes building good habits to recognize when our minds are spiraling out, believing lies!
Looking back on my experience in the Northeast, I now know that hard seasons DO end! God didn’t let me die in the wilderness but brought me through that season and taught me much about faith during those five years.
A Christian’s hope in Jesus gives a peace beyond anything the world could ever offer. When we take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), we can let go of negative thinking and hold fast to his promises that focus on what is good, just, true, and pure.
When we allow a shift in mindset, it gives us a new perspective to focus on, which can help us thrive during challenging times because our point of view has changed, and we can now see our struggles in the reality of light and not in the lies of darkness.
After five years in the Northeast, we moved back to the West Coast (Nevada), where I met my best friend. A year later, she and her family moved with us to Idaho, where my husband and I originally lived with our friends and family.
But as life goes for us, God called us to leave everything and everyone behind AGAIN (I know this timeline can be confusing! We’ve moved 14 times in less than 12 years). I sit here today, writing in a new city where I am alone. Yet, I have a completely different mindset than I did six years ago. I am not depressed, anxious, or dwelling on lies.
I know that this season will end!
I know God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11)!
I know God works all things together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28)!
Your mindset now will affect whether you thrive or exist in the challenging seasons of being in the unknown. Make the mindset shift to think about what is good and true, and watch your overall health improve regardless of what season of life you find yourself in. This doesn’t mean your circumstances will change, but you can experience the peace of God during the storm.
Begin the Mindset section in the PDF provided at the beginning of this article.
# 2 Find Activities You Enjoy
Thriving through difficult times can be challenging if you have nothing to do. If all you have to focus on are the four walls surrounding you, you might quickly get sick of the décor featured on them. Doing activities you enjoy will help not only with your mindset shift but also with time. Everyone knows that when challenging seasons occur, it feels like they will never end. While reflecting on what you are going through is always good, there is usually plenty of time to do things that will bring you joy, too.
Before I got married, I had an 18-month-old son. I fled Texas to get away from his biological dad, who was extremely abusive. I went to Idaho, where my mom and her new husband lived. Six months later, I was married, and my husband offered me the opportunity to stay home with my little guy and no longer work. The excitement about this proposition quickly vaporized when I realized I had no idea what to do with my time! I was searching online, “What do stay-at-home moms do with their day?” I was incredibly bored and didn’t know how often I could organize drawers or watch Grey’s Anatomy reruns. After a few months of this, I began trying all sorts of things to see what I was good at, what I liked, and what would fill some of the many hours of downtime I had. My favorite exploration was when I convinced my husband to purchase ingredients for me to make lipsticks. When it arrived, the ingredients were expired, some things were missing, and the videos I watched seemed too complicated. I asked my husband to return this eBay order, and we still laugh about it today.
It may take you some trial and error to figure out what you enjoy doing, or maybe you’ve been depressed for so long that you stopped doing the things you enjoy altogether. This is a hard place to be, but you can do it! Finding joy in the waiting requires you to participate in things you enjoy! These activities will stimulate positive thinking and improve your overall well-being during challenging seasons.
Begin the Activities section in the PDF provided at the beginning of this article.
# 3 Don’t Miss Out On The Opportunities To Grow
(slow seasons)
“The essence of life is growth.” – Jim Rohn
Sometimes, we cannot control where we are at the times we are. Sometimes, we are in uncomfortable situations for long periods, and we may feel like giving up and throwing in the towel because it is so hard, and it feels like good times will never come.
But if I could encourage you with anything today, it would be to let life’s challenges shape you for the better. Don’t give up on your growth and maturity during ‘hard knocks.’
Don’t miss the opportunity to become more empathetic, compassionate, humble, and kind.
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to grow in the grace and knowledge of who God is through reading his Word and being in communion with him.
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to grow through all the pain and discomfort life throws you.
When I was three years into living in the Northeast, I had let my heart get so hard. I was so focused on the “why me” and “how long” that I missed many opportunities to consider others and be kind and generous to them. I had become self-consumed with all my worries and fears! I can’t help but think about how all the self-loathing robbed me of the opportunities to grow and change during the difficult seasons of life, especially if the difficult season was ‘slowness’!
My husband and I had a saying in the Northeast: Every day is Groundhog Day! If anyone has seen the movie Groundhog Day, you know that he is reliving the same day over and over again. That is what it felt like for me for years. But I should have used the slow seasons of life to grow in all I could while I had the time.
Use the sufferings you face as an opportunity to grow. If you find yourself walking through a season that affords you the time, spend as much time growing in Christ as possible. It will be well worth it, and you will thrive in the process.
Begin the Growth section in the PDF provided at the beginning of this article.
# 4 Gratitude
(season of loss and hardship)
Thriving through hard-knocks requires GRATITUDE! This could fall under the ‘mindset’ category, but there is something unique about giving thanks and praise to God in hard times that it deserves its own spot. I understand that this is the last thing many people want to do if they are experiencing significant pain from loss or hardship, but the benefits of doing so will be the result of thriving or not.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
Though we walk through hard circumstances and are under tremendous pressure to focus on negativity, the will of God for those who belong to Jesus is that they would be thankful in all circumstances! Focusing on gratitude helps us acknowledge that we serve a good God who cares deeply for us because we often realize there is far more to be grateful for in our lives than we have room to be ungrateful.
Not only does Jesus care about your pain and suffering, but he cares about your holiness and wants to sanctify you through all things. It shows great maturity when people can show gratitude towards God and those around them while experiencing hardship and loss. When we practice gratitude over hopelessness, we can thrive knowing our situation does not have to lead us to despair.
Begin the Gratitude section in the PDF provided at the beginning of this article.
# 5 The Grass Is Not Greener; It Is Fake!
“The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it is greener where you water it.”
We have a tendency, especially when we go through hard times, to erect altars, place our graven images on them, and worship them like gods. We look around our neighbors’ yards, and we think, “I would be happy if I had ________.”
The reality is this form of idolatry is sabotaging you!
This is hands down the number one reason I could not thrive for years. I was absolutely convinced that I needed to be back in Idaho in order to be happy for the first two years I was living in the Northeast. I would contemplate all the reasons Idaho was better than where I was; the grass was so green and lush in Idaho! To top it all off, we bought my husband’s childhood home and my dream home in Idaho that we would not live in. We let a single mom and her children live in it while we stayed in the east. It was devastating to me. I was so discontented, I grew to be so bitter, and I was disappointed for a long time.
I had the idolatrous mindset that the grass was greener anywhere else but where I was. This way of thinking caused my hardship to worsen, and I could not enjoy anything in front of me. Thankfully, by God’s grace, the Holy Spirit convicted me one day, and I heard in my heart, “Boise is an idol in your life because you think you need to be there over being where I have you.” I was so grieved! I immediately told my husband and repented of this in my heart.
Even if the grass looks greener on the other side, it isn’t YOUR grass. Focusing on what isn’t yours only grows your discontentment in an already challenging situation.
When I realized I was coveting after things I didn’t have or things that weren’t mine, I realized I needed to focus on what I did have and what was mine! I started making the house I was living in, a home I enjoyed being in. I embraced all the beautiful places that surrounded me, and we started traveling all over the place, visiting different states, museums, and cupcake shops!
You can begin to thrive when you stop coveting the things you don’t have and focus on what you do have or what is around you that you can appreciate.
Begin the Schedule and Routine section in the PDF provided at the beginning of this article.
A lot of these tips do encourage a shift in mindset and perspective. That is because your mind will be the most significant contributor to whether or not you thrive in any given situation. We cannot always change our circumstances, and we can’t always help the trials we are given. All we can do is focus on how we respond to hardships. We can live full, satisfying lives in all circumstances if we have the right mindset, do things we enjoy, practice gratitude, and not covet what we don’t have.
- Mindset
- Activities you enjoy.
- (slow season) Don’t miss the opportunity to study and grow
- (loss and hardship) gratitude
- (grass is greener) The grass is not greener; it’s fake!
