Rethinking Modesty: Trading Legalism for True Christ-Centered Freedom
Growing up in the Texas heat, I often wore tank tops, spaghetti straps, and shorts. It wasn’t until I moved to Idaho at nineteen that I purchased a jacket thicker than cotton! During the summer, my friends and I would run around in our swim tops, and no one thought anything of it—everyone understood that it was simply too hot, and bikini tops were the closest option to being naked. Our intentions were simple: to tan and stay cool in the hundred-degree heat.
When I became a Christian, I entered a world where women were expected to dress “modestly.” All of a sudden, I was being taught that I needed to cover my body to prevent other men from giving in to the temptation of lust, and that it was immodest to wear certain things because it might cause a brother to stumble. I was also taught that dressing modestly, aka covering my skin, was honoring God, as though somehow God was offended by my neckline and thighs.
But what did dressing modestly even mean? I wondered, as everyone had their own standard. It was an abstract term used to convey a subjective idea regarding how women should dress. One group of women said it isn’t okay to wear tank tops, while another group of women said tank tops are in, but short shorts are out. But who defined what shorts were too short?
I struggled to grasp the standard for dressing modestly for a long time, since everyone had their own interpretation of what it meant. There was no handbook, uniform guide, or specific set of guidelines outlining the appropriate skirt length or the amount of shoulder that should be covered. Yet, somehow, people were trying to regulate how long a woman’s skirt should be and how high her neckline should come up.
When dressing, I felt trapped with the fear of being judged for wearing certain things, even though in my heart, I knew there was nothing morally wrong with what I was wearing. I wrestled with wearing clothes I didn’t like because I thought I would be dishonoring God if I didn’t!
I also struggled with feeling judgmental towards women who didn’t dress by the imaginary standards. I felt jealous of some women’s freedom in not submitting to the burdens that I felt were placed on me.
Years later, after countless conversations with God and my husband, I have come to understand that the way modesty is taught in many American churches today resembles a form of legalism. There is no standard “Christian uniform!” We have traded the true definition of Biblical modesty for a fashion style, which makes it confusing to understand what God truly desires from us!
We have placed burdens on women to dress in a way that caters to the eyes of men, as if women are responsible for men’s temptations to sin. This notion implies that lust is solely determined by a person’s clothing choices, which is illogical. Instead, we should teach that our bodies are made in the image of Christ. Both men and women share the responsibility of maintaining purity of heart and mind towards each other (but we will save this topic for another day).
In this article, I want to focus on the real definition of Biblical modesty and why we should stop using it to describe women’s fashion.
What is modesty?
The word modest simply means: humble, unassuming, moderate, or fair.
Here are some example sentences using the word modest:
- Despite his success, he lived in a modest home and drove an old truck.
- His modest attitude made him well-liked by everyone on the team.
- She offered a modest smile when praised, never one to boast.
Example sentences of what immodest means:
- It felt immodest to take all the credit when the team had worked so hard.
- His immodest bragging about the deal rubbed everyone the wrong way.
- She made an immodest claim about her influence, which raised some eyebrows.
Modesty is a virtuous character trait that requires self-control to refrain from excessive indulgence, boastfulness, and a self-righteous attitude that suggests one is superior to others based on economic status, relevance, or the like. Modesty is the state of someone’s heart; an outward expression of an inward self-awareness.
What is Biblically sound modesty?
Biblical modesty can be understood as embodying a humble heart. It involves a conscious effort to avoid thinking too highly of oneself and to refrain from drawing attention through pride, arrogance, or lustful behavior. Instead, it emphasizes placing the interests of others above your own in all aspects of life! It encourages Believers to live self-controlled lives without excess and extravagance, helping them remain focused on being content in Christ.
However, the church today teaches that Biblical modesty primarily refers to how women dress. Unfortunately, modesty has been reduced to how much skin is shown (specifically women), rather than focusing on the heart posture that truly reflects godliness. This shift distracts from the real issue of sin and fosters a legalistic mindset, implying that God is offended by the appearance of women’s skin rather than being concerned with the condition of their hearts.
The verse pulled from the Bible to support the idea that Biblical modesty is talking about not wearing revealing clothing is from 1 Timothy 2:8-10, which says, “Likewise, also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.”
When we are conditioned to interpret a verse in a particular way due to poor teaching, it can be difficult to view it differently. However, if we break down what this verse is actually saying, we can see that Paul is not discussing the amount of skin being shown. Instead, he is urging women not to emphasize their outward appearance by wearing expensive or lavish clothing to the worship service. This idea can also be found in 1 Peter 3:3-4:
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
Biblical modesty is fundamentally a condition of the heart and mind. God desires our thoughts to be renewed and shaped by the Spirit, leading us toward godliness and righteousness. He is more concerned about a woman’s heart than with her physical appearance, such as how much of her cleavage is showing.
Ignoring real sin
As the mentality surrounding modesty continues to circulate within the church and women’s groups, it’s important to highlight the all-too-common judgmental attitudes toward women who do not adhere to a certain standard of dressing. The real issue emerges when people come to worship filled with pride, judgment, and self-righteousness.
They often condemn others for their clothing choices while overlooking those who arrive adorned with expensive handbags, jewelry, or shoes. You might be the most conservatively dressed person at church, but if humility is not present in your heart, then that is, at best, a form of immodesty and, at worst, sinful.
Clothes themselves cannot be inherently modest or immodest; only a person can embody virtue. If the devil is distracting Christians from focusing on their own hearts by getting them to concentrate on what others are or aren’t wearing, he’s doing an effective job! The reality is that God looks at our hearts in all matters.
He sees the woman at the gym in a tank top, simply trying to work out, and then he observes Susie coming in behind her, passing judgment and implying motives. So, who is truly at fault here? How about the mom who is struggling with her teens, but brings them to church every Sunday, and people pass by with their noses in the air, only thinking about what kind of mother lets her kids go out like that? Instead of inviting them over after the service and living out the gospel, we often focus too much on the types of clothing people wear, missing the opportunity to shine like Christ.
The devil is satisfied keeping us focused on enforcing rules and laws that God never placed on us, as this inevitably breeds judgment and discord among brothers and sisters. God wants us to live in freedom, not bondage to human standards. This freedom in Christ doesn’t mean we dress to provoke others, but that we live in harmony with the Spirit and follow His convictions regarding how we dress.
Sin that isn’t yours
If you’ve never heard this before, let me be the first to tell you: you are not responsible for others’ sins! Teaching women they are responsible for men’s thoughts is a harmful burden to place on women. The teaching that if a man lusts after a woman, it is her fault because of what she wore is an irresponsible and unbiblical teaching of Scripture. It takes away the responsibility of men to have self-control, and makes them sound like hopeless children who will never be able to arrive at mature manhood.
Jesus teaches that sin comes from within a person’s own heart.
In Matthew 5:28, He says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus doesn’t say the woman’s body caused the sin. He doesn’t blame her clothes or her presence. He places responsibility directly where it belongs: on the heart and choices of the one doing the lusting. He tells them to pull out their eyes, not for the woman to go back home and change her outfit.
This misconception leads men to believe that they cannot overcome the temptation of lust. It encourages them to think, “It’s the woman’s fault that I’m visually stimulated by her calves, elbows, cleavage, feet,” or any other cultural attempts throughout history to cover the body. In reality, men are called to renew their minds (Romans 12:2) and to treat women with all purity, just as they would their own sisters (1 Timothy 5:2).
Men and women should view each other through the love of God, not through the lens of self-gratification as our culture often teaches (and sadly, the church sometimes promotes this message when it spews this “modesty” garbage).
Trading Legalism for Liberty
For a while, I forced myself to buy dresses and skirts that fell within the broad spectrum of what many Christians considered “modest.” I remember feeling uncomfortable in some of the outfits because I didn’t like how they fit, and my husband wasn’t a fan of them either. One day, as I was contemplating all of this, I realized that God never asked me to give up the clothes I like. The voices of those around me had become so loud that I had silenced God’s guidance on the subject entirely.
Through this revelation, it became clear that how I dress each day depends on my convictions, circumstances, and cultural context. This means that what I choose to wear for any given occasion is influenced by where I’m going, who I’ll be with, and how I feel the Holy Spirit is leading me. God is faithful! Many times, I have been pricked in the Spirit about what I was wearing and changed because of it.
By nature, most people prefer to follow a clearly defined system or method. It’s no surprise that humans are often compared to sheep, who lack direction without a shepherd, leading to the idea of “herd mentality,” where individuals conform to those around them.
In a religious context, when we take our focus away from our true Shepherd, Jesus, and instead conform to external pressures, the result is often legalism—strict adherence to manmade laws and rules. Legalism stifles the guidance of the Spirit in a person’s life and hinders the experience of true freedom in Christ. The emphasis is not on how the Spirit guides individuals, but on how they can conform to those around them.
Because God desires a personal relationship with each of His children, teaching women how to hear from the Holy Spirit and be guided by Him in all areas of life is essential. It is not the church’s role to enforce a specific “Christian uniform” for each generation! Instead, the Holy Spirit’s responsibility is to lead us into all truth. If you want women to have a godly conviction about their attire, emphasize the importance of learning to hear from Christ.
What does this mean for us today?
Reclaiming the true essence of Biblical modesty is crucial, recognizing that it transcends mere outward appearance and fashion choices (especially regarding how much skin is shown). As we navigate cultural expectations and personal convictions, we must focus on cultivating a humble heart and genuine self-awareness, allowing our actions and attire to reflect our inner character. This requires each individual to discern the will of God in their own lives. When we teach people to hear from the Holy Spirit, He will guide them into all truth.
By shifting the narrative away from judgment and legalism, and towards a compassionate understanding of modesty as a reflection of our relationships with God and others, we can create an environment where all individuals are valued for their character, not their clothing. This approach frees us from arbitrary standards regarding dress codes and encourages a genuine conversation about modesty in every aspect of the Believer’s life.
Modesty is not about how you dress; it is about how you live.
