How To Mature In Times Of Suffering

Suffering is an inevitable aspect of life; we all experience it in some shape or form. Even as I write this, I cringe thinking about past sufferings, especially those that are still pretty fresh and raw in my own life. I think that’s why songs about hardship are always likened to the ocean! The waves come and go, and oftentimes, no one knows their impact. Sometimes, the waves are subtle and sweep over you quickly. Other times, the wave hits so hard, pulls you under, and drags you out to sea. You find yourself sitting in the middle of uncertainty with no lifeboat, and the shore is a distant memory.
If we continue to liken suffering to the fierce waters that surround us, knowing they will come crashing in, what if we could learn to use the “waves” to our advantage? When we learn to use life’s sufferings for our growth, we begin to mature in Christ.

How we treat others

We grow as individuals when we consider how we treat and perceive others during their suffering rather than solely focusing on our own feelings and experiences in difficult times. While we definitely need to self-reflect, I want to start by growing in how we treat others.

Compassion and Sympathy

One of the first lessons we must learn to mature is that everyone experiences different types of grief. We must learn to be compassionate and sympathetic, even if the challenge someone faces seems frivolous or silly to us.
Elisabeth Elliot was a woman well acquainted with grief. I once listened to her book, ‘Suffering Is Never for Nothing,’ in which she discussed two types of suffering we experience: wanting what we don’t have or having what we don’t want. Summing up life’s challenges in this way brings people together and offers relatability. Everyone can relate to having something they do not want, whether it be a chronic illness or dropping your ice cream cone after just one lick! As Christians, our job is not to judge the sufferer for what they are experiencing but to encourage them and share in their burden (1 Thessalonians 5:11 and Galatians 6:2), leading to our next lesson.

Judgment Free Zone

The golden rule is: Treat others as you want to be treated. No one wants to experience a difficult situation and feel the person they are speaking to is casting judgment over their situation. People want to feel heard and understood. Early in my walk with Christ, I learned that people will suffer through things that seem easy to you. It is easy to listen to people’s problems and think about how you would handle the situation or what you would do instead, but beware of this attitude and how it can come across as insensitive and judgmental. We may not always understand why some people suffer in certain situations, but it’s best to remember the golden rule when this happens!

I had a friend who was struggling through a certain situation, and as she told me about it, I found myself thinking, why is she so upset about this? It doesn’t even seem like a big deal. As you can imagine, my responses to her reflected that train of thought, and she felt diminished to nothing! I felt so bad, realizing I sounded like I not only could do her suffering for her, but I could do it better. The Holy Spirit later convicted me with a gentle whisper: This isn’t for you.
What one person struggles with does not mean you will struggle with it in the same way. Your test is not the suffering itself but rather your ability to exhibit the characteristics of Christ through love, compassion, and humility. I failed miserably that day, but it was a transformative moment in my walk. Thankfully, my friend was kind enough to forgive me!

The next time someone comes to you and shares a struggle or trial they are walking through, remember, “This isn’t for you.” Offer grace, kindness, and prayer instead.

Self reflection

Two years after my husband and I got married, I faced the hardest season of my life. For several years, I felt trapped in difficult circumstances without any sign of relief. At 25 years old, I came to terms with the idea that I might die in this situation, believing my life was over. I thought to myself, “That’s it, I’m done.” However, six years into this struggle, the Lord finally released me from my burdens. I was so relieved! Looking back now, I would do things SOOOOO differently.

Fortunately for me, I got to experience the SAME thing again four years later. I know, I’m the lucky one! 😉
The second time around was nothing like the first. The circumstances were no less difficult, but I chose not to react to them the same way. I decided to suffer well! Here is what I did to grow and mature through suffering rather than let it tear me down again.

Prioritize Gratitude, Prayer, and Scripture reading

If you can do nothing else for yourself in this season of suffering, prioritize gratitude, prayer, and reading the Scriptures.
Many studies have been done on the benefits of practicing gratitude, and let me tell you, it truly works to help shift your mindset from negative to positive. Regardless of what you are facing, there is always something to be grateful for.

I understand that this can feel overwhelming, as people often seek to be understood and heard during their struggles. However, for your own peace of mind, I assure you that developing the habit of finding things to appreciate during difficult times will benefit you more than focusing on being understood right now.

While pondering your situation has its benefits, thinking about your problems for extended periods of time has disadvantages that lead to depression, anxiety, and overall dismay. Prayer and gratitude are expressions of humility that allow you to release control of your circumstances to a God who is in control.
Even though life may be challenging right now, there is still goodness to focus on. This represents a sign of growth in times of suffering: the ability to shift your attention away from the negativity around you and choose to recognize the beauty and goodness in all that God does for your life.

Scripture reading alongside your time of meditation and thanksgiving reminds you of God’s promises for His children. While I was in the midst of suffering, I remember the Bible being a balm to my aching heart. When I did not have words for God or when I could not see the benefit of all that I was going through, His word comforted me beyond belief. I recommend spending time in Psalms if you are wondering where to find hope through the Bible.

Let Your feelings come and go!

Feelings and emotions can be overwhelming when you feel you can’t control your body’s response to what you are going through. This is especially difficult when you experience anxiety. Often, anxiety is your mind and body responding to something that you wish you could stop or suppress, but it just has to run its course. Let me tell you, dear friend, how much this resonates with so many people!

While I was in my 5 years of hell on earth, I remember going to the store to exchange a pair of shoes. I walked up to the counter and told the gal the shoes were the wrong size and that I needed to see if they could switch them out for me. She told me to go grab the right pair, bring them back to her, and she would process the exchange. As I walked away, I felt an extreme rush of anxiety flow over me and ended up leaving the store without getting my shoes. I was humiliated. I had no control over this experience, but I wish I had the maturity to fight!

Years later, I recognized the only way I was going to overcome my anxiety was by facing it and fighting through it.
I learned that my anxiety was a fear response to being isolated from real-life scenarios for so long. If you are struggling with anxiety, depression, and a mix of unwanted feelings, analyze why they are popping up and let them go.
Someone once said, “It is okay to grieve for a time, but it isn’t okay to grieve for life.”

When you have feelings well up inside you, fight!
If you feel depressed- respond with gratitude and praise.
If you feel anxiety- respond with truths and the promises of God.
If you feel overwhelmed- reflect on how much you are doing and if it is all necessary. If it is, give yourself grace.

The growth and maturity you will experience when you are in control of your emotions is unmatched!
“Feelings are like visitors, let them come and go.”

Suffering is meant for your good.

Understanding why suffering is essential to a Believer will give meaning and purpose to what you are experiencing. Hopefully, this will cause you to grow and mature in challenging times now and in the future, allowing you to comfort others in their time of desperation (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Believe it or not, suffering is intended for spiritual growth. We are meant to mature and develop our faith through various trials. James 1:2-4 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Counting it joy when we suffer may seem like an unreasonable ask. Still, when you consider it’s rooted in the idea that trials can lead to personal growth and deeper faith, your perspective shifts from being focused on the circumstance to focusing on the outcome it produces in yourself. With this perspective, you can learn to view suffering as more of a positive than a negative experience. When we face challenges, they often test our beliefs and resilience. This testing can help us develop steadfastness, which is the ability to remain strong and committed even in tough times. It encourages us to trust that difficulties can lead us to maturity as it refines our character. In this sense, counting it joy is about recognizing the potential for positive outcomes even in painful situations (see Romans 5:3-4, John 16:33, 1 Peter 4:19, and 1 Peter 5:10).

Another reason we suffer is to share in Christ’s sufferings. Philippians 1:29 says, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ, you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake, engaged in the same conflict that you saw I had and now hear that I still have.” We suffer for Jesus because it helps us grow stronger in our faith and shows our love for him. When we stand up for what is right or when we face judgment for following Jesus when no one else understands, it is an opportunity to share in the same kind of suffering Jesus faced. These tough times can help us feel closer to Him because we know He experienced this, too, reminding us that we are not alone.

Patience

All in all, I know suffering is hard. If you are reading this and have made it to the end, then I imagine your pain is deep right now, and I am truly sorry for that. In this moment, as I write, I pray that you feel encouraged, refreshed, and motivated to walk away from this post and implement some things you’ve learned here. If you are reading this, you want to mature in the season you are in, and God will honor that as you press into him. Know that this will come to an end, and you will be stronger if you focus on your growth and maturity in Christ.

In closing, “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality,” Romans 12:11-13.

If you are looking for more encouragement, check out ‘Learning to Thrive in Difficult Times’ here.