How to Be More Outgoing (Even If You’re an Introvert)
Whether you’re naturally introverted, struggle with social awkwardness, or simply want to improve your social skills, being outgoing is something you can learn. Discover simple ways to start conversations, become more approachable, and connect with others without changing your God-given personality.
This might be a ridiculous article coming from one of the most extroverted people on planet Earth (you may prefer advice from someone who has had to overcome this struggle), or it might be the best article, considering socializing comes naturally to me. You decide in the end.
But really, the knowledge I’m about to share comes from realizing that the art of being outgoing doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert. It’s about learning how to socialize, give off a friendly aura, and be someone people like being around. And trust me, I have had to learn to tame my spunky, loud, and offensively extroverted self to develop those qualities (not something I’ve mastered, but it’s a work in progress).
Learning Better Social Skills
My son isn’t very extroverted, but he shared the other day that he wants to work on being friendlier. His struggle is that whenever he’s around people, he doesn’t know what to say. This is such a common feeling, especially if you have social anxiety or simply feel awkward around others.
For my son, his mind races. What if I say something wrong? What if I look stupid in front of everyone? Or the classic: If they wanted to talk, they would ask me questions.
I totally get it. Even though I’m an extrovert, I still wrestle with these same thoughts sometimes. There will always be moments when you run into people you don’t want to flop in front of and look like a fool. And sometimes, you will just have to be the person to initiate most conversations, and that can be exhausting.
But here’s the good news: You don’t need a new personality to be outgoing. You just need to learn better social skills. And the more you practice these habits, the easier they become. This is not an exhaustive list. Just a few simple things I recommend starting with to grow your social skills and begin developing new habits.
Play “21 Questions”
Don’t literally start spouting off 21 questions.
One thing I learned a long time ago is that people love talking about themselves. If you’re not naturally good at being outgoing, this is a perfect place to start. Playing 21 questions takes the pressure off you, focuses on the other person, and gives you time to calm your nerves or simply get invested in the conversation.
When you meet someone new, you don’t know anything about them. This is the perfect opportunity to ask questions known as “conversation starters.” Where did you grow up? How many siblings do you have? What was it like growing up in your family? What do you like to do for fun?
More conversation starters
- What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t gotten around to yet?
- What do you do for work?
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- What are your interests or hobbies?
- What’s something you’ve been really enjoying lately?
- What kind of books, movies, or shows do you enjoy?
- What’s one of the most memorable experiences you’ve ever had?
- What’s one place you’d love to visit?
- What’s something you’re passionate about?
Memorize two of these for the next time you meet someone new.
Stay Clear of Yes-or-No Questions
Also, make sure you aren’t only asking yes-or-no questions because that could quickly ruin any momentum or courage you’ve mustered up to ask a question at all! A yes-or-no question doesn’t spark as much back-and-forth as one that demands a real answer. If you do this, you’ll find yourself feeling like you are back at square one with nothing to say.
People generally love talking about themselves because it’s easy. We know our own stories, experiences, and interests. When someone shows genuine interest in learning about us, it gives us a chance to share those things.
But here’s something important: You have to listen!
You don’t want to just fire off questions like you’re conducting an interview. Listen to what the other person says and ask questions based on their answers. This is how a conversation naturally begins to develop. Often, once you ask someone a question, they’ll ask one in return. Before you know it, you’re having a conversation, and you realize there wasn’t much to be that nervous about.
In my opinion, focusing on others is one of the best ways to become more outgoing.
I know plenty of people who don’t have energetic personalities, and they are very sociable and outgoing. I think it’s a misconception that if you aren’t extremely extroverted, then you won’t make friends or you can’t learn to talk to strangers. You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to be someone people enjoy talking to; you just need to be willing to ask the first question.
Smile More
Another way to become more outgoing is to smile more! Making a habit of smiling at people not only helps you develop better social habits, but also lets others know you’re approachable. Being approachable is crucial to becoming more outgoing.
If you are constantly walking with your head down, not making eye contact, or wearing headphones to avoid being asked how your day is going, you might be giving off the impression that you don’t want to be bothered, and if you’re trying to become more outgoing, that’s probably the opposite impression you’re hoping to make!
Now, there’s nothing wrong with needing time alone or not wanting to talk to everyone you encounter, but if you’re hoping to become more sociable, you have to give people opportunities to interact with you. The next time you’re out, just try saying hello and smiling at people who pass by. It doesn’t have to turn into a full-blown conversation. You’re simply practicing being friendly and approachable.
Read This Next…
Be Yourself
If you are kind of awkward, just own up to it! This can prevent people from thinking you don’t like them or making a bad first impression simply because you’re nervous or generally corky.
Hi, I’m Sally, and sometimes I say awkward things.
Okay, you don’t actually have to introduce yourself like that, but you get the point. If you’re a jokester, crack a joke so people get a feel for your personality. My sister-in-law is one of the funniest people I know. She isn’t super extroverted, but she really knows how to make a room break into laughter just by being herself because she’s learned to be free in who she is.
And that’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to become someone else to be more outgoing. You can be quiet, funny, awkward, thoughtful, or naturally reserved and still be someone who is friendly and enjoyable to be around.
Learning to socialize is about connecting with people using the personality you already have. We were all uniquely created, but we were also created to be social beings. And if that’s true, then by God’s design, we’re meant to interact with people who have different personalities, gifts, and talents.
What If People Don’t Respond?
This is something you will encounter if you get in front of enough people, but honestly, it doesn’t happen too often that people are just downright cold and shrug you off. If that does happen, move on! I always chalk it up to the possibility that they may be having a bad day. Not everyone is going to return the gesture or want to talk, and that’s okay.
Sometimes people are distracted, tired, or simply not in the mood for conversation. Other times, you might be the person who doesn’t feel like talking! You don’t have to take every interaction personally. The important thing is that you don’t let one awkward encounter discourage you from trying again.
Practice Makes Perfect
Overall, practice makes perfect (just like we’ve been told our whole lives). The more you practice these social skills, the more outgoing and friendly you’ll become. Start small; smile at someone you pass in the grocery store. Then, say hello to someone you see regularly. Ask a question when you meet someone new, and practice listening to their answer.
The art of being outgoing isn’t about how much you can talk or how many people you can impress. It’s about learning how to socialize, show genuine interest in others, and be someone people enjoy being around.
And those are skills anyone can practice.
