A Perspective: What I Learned When I Sent My Kids To School

I love being a mom. But if I’m honest? Homeschooling nearly broke me.

I never thought the day would come when I would send my kids away to school. For over a decade, ever since my husband and I got married, I had been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). Not only had I always stayed home with my babies, but I also homeschooled them. In the beginning, homeschooling seemed like the perfect solution for our family.

My husband had been homeschooled, I had a horrible public school experience, and I was surrounded by family who also homeschooled—it seemed like a no-brainer. Until we moved to the kingdom of ‘Far Far Away’, and I had no community or any real support.

Begrudgingly Homeschooling

I quickly realized the fantasy I had of homeschooling. When I talked with my husband about putting them in school, I was faced with the reality that our life wasn’t conducive to an education outside of the home.

For some perspective, we’d already moved eight times in five years, and with my husband’s job, we never really knew how long we’d be in one location. I was willing to deal with the burden of homeschooling because the impact of relocating schools so frequently could cause more harm than good. Begrudgingly, I continued to homeschool for several more years, and we continued to move around the country for work.

Not only was I resentful about having to homeschool, but my circumstances were less than ideal. Moving around so frequently, I struggled with depression and debilitating social anxiety that prevented me from making rational decisions on how I spent my time for years. I was left feeling overwhelmed and easily distracted when it came to maintaining a consistent homeschooling routine for several children, all at different levels. Not to mention, we were still in the process of growing our family, so pregnancy, toddlers, school, and relocating all compounded on top of each other to create a perfect storm.

I frequently thought to myself, “If the burden of their education didn’t fall on me, then everyone would be much happier.”

Don’t get me wrong here, I love being a mom! Besides marriage, it is the best gift I’ve ever received, and I consider it a privilege that I never want to take for granted. As their teacher, I felt a heavy responsibility to ensure that my children didn’t turn out to be stupid, which constantly weighed on my shoulders. All I wanted to do was relax with my kids, play, and teach them practical life skills. My challenge wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy motherhood; it was that I didn’t want to assume the primary role of their academic teacher.

So when the day came, and my husband said, “Let’s try putting them in school,” I was so relieved!

Putting them in School

I was over the moon excited and could hardly believe what I was hearing. We had recently moved back to our home state after being away for six years. We started our own business, so we knew we would likely stay put for a while, and my husband saw that I was mentally tapped out, incapable of functioning most days.

With three of my five children in school, I began to heal. I thought I would never homeschool again and had gotten rid of nearly every homeschool resource book and all of the kids’ curriculum I had accumulated over the last decade. For the first time in years, I felt free! Not free, like my kids are gone and I can do what I want, but free from the mental burden that their education was all on me.

I was incredibly proud when we were told our kids were doing well at each parent/teacher conference. I would cry tears of joy at each recital, thinking how blessed my kids must be to have a more fulfilling academic experience. At the same time, through our family business, I was given multiple opportunities that not only helped me overcome my depression but also helped me overcome anxiety and panic attacks.

Everyone was so happy, until…

The Red Flags

It was nearing the end of the second school year of my kids’ private Christian education, and I was beginning to notice things in them and myself that were bothering me. My seven-year-old daughter began expressing her reluctance to go to school and talked about encountering bullies on the playground. It felt straight out of a movie! Having experienced public school myself, I understand the impact that cliques among young girls can have on a developing mind. She often felt left out because her personality wasn’t as outgoing as the others. She didn’t stand up for her ideas or opinions about which games to play or not, and she said that, usually, it wasn’t what she wanted to do; she just did it because everyone else was.

Yikes! I thought, and the red flags continued to emerge.

I noticed I was becoming more impatient at home. After school, backpacks would fly, lunch boxes weren’t getting cleaned out, homework was a complete nightmare, and the noise level was out of control! My poor ears had gotten accustomed to hearing nothing but silence all day, and the amp was turned up to MAX when my kids came barreling through the door. I hated this new development in myself!

I always considered myself to be a patient mom who tried not to be inconvenienced by the realities of spills, markers on the table, and the noise level that came with having five children. Here I was, no longer enjoying the moments I previously longed for with my children throughout the day. I no longer had to teach them math, but I also no longer sat with them in the mornings to hear all about their sleep and what they wanted to do with the day.

One of my children was struggling in school. They were already struggling at home with a bad attitude and other personal difficulties, but school amplified these problems, and they were suspended more than once during the time we had them in school. It was like my childhood all over again, and I was at a loss for how to help them.

The Change

The first week of summer, my heart was grieved. I reflected on the past year and a half, considering all the wins and accomplishments, as well as the not-so-great reality that the grass is not greener on the other side. Weeds pop up no matter what yard you are in! There is no elimination of hard. For me, it came down to which yard I was going to water.

I could have chosen to keep my kids in school and address the problems head-on for a better year next fall. However, for me, it wasn’t worth the emotional stress it put on my kids, who straight asked to be homeschooled again as soon as school got out.

The only thing I think we are all obligated to is obedience to God, regardless of our feelings. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a mental and heart battle choosing to bring my kids back home for school. I was finally no longer depressed, and had a lot of projects going on work-wise. But, there were too many coincidences in my kids’ attitude and my own revelations to deny that God was at work in my heart, prompting me to reflect on this idea spiritually, not just practically.

Here are a few things I learned.

Grace for a season

While I sat on my patio in the summer heat, which felt so good on my face, I had a very real conversation with God.

Me: Why do I feel this way? What if I get depressed again? What if I fail? I finally don’t feel so burdened and overwhelmed. What if all those feelings come back? If this feeling is really You leading me to bring my kids home again, show me. Otherwise, I will chalk it up to an emotional response to my current feelings.

After I said all that I had to say to the Lord, my husband came out and sat down across from me. When I told him what I was thinking, he was in shock. He was in disbelief, but said he would support whatever decision I made, because he trusted that I would ultimately heed the voice of the Holy Spirit.

As the days went on, the revelation became more apparent. That still, small voice whispered in my heart: ‘grace.‘ I knew exactly what this meant. It meant that God’s grace is sufficient. His grace was sufficient all along, and I couldn’t see it. My depression clouded my judgment, and I was carrying so much unnecessary weight on my shoulders as I lost sight of God’s grace in my story. The weight of homeschooling, the weight of isolation, the weight of waiting, and so on. I was drowning. But God! God saw me and knew exactly what I needed to reframe my thoughts and refocus my attention on Him and His sufficient grace.

I understood that the break from homeschooling my kids was a season of grace, and that season had come to an end. With the reminder that God’s grace never ceases, I felt at peace about bringing them back home and trying homeschooling again with fresh eyes and a renewed heart. Plus, I missed them being home all day so much!

The Lord took it one step further to confirm that bringing my children back home was the right thing to do. He instilled the same desire in my best friend. Before I even mentioned my feelings about bringing my kids home, she texted me asking if I could pray with her because she believed God was calling her to homeschool! This felt like a genuine miracle to me, as I knew she wouldn’t have suggested such a thing on her own.

Patience

Patience is not a result of perfect conditions; it is an intentional practice that involves learning to tolerate things that cause trouble or anger. Some people think they don’t have the patience to homeschool, but I realize I don’t have patience unless I homeschool. I need that constant friction to challenge me every day, not to react to every single tattle someone wants to tell or every single noise a child with no impulse control intends to make. And let me tell you, I have a few of each.

I could have worked on my patience the following year if I had chosen to keep my children in school. However, the truth is that I felt like a worse mom when they were gone all day. I didn’t want to train myself to be patient at the end of the day! The silence became just as irritating as the noise, and my time felt no better spent outside of the work projects I was involved in. I truly missed having my children around all day long.

I knew the grass I wanted to water was the yard my kids were in all morning and afternoon.

Traditional school and rigorous academics

The hours I spent sitting at the table with workbooks left me feeling overwhelmed. I wish I had realized earlier that my young elementary students didn’t need to complete numerous workbooks. Studies show that children under 10 thrive in hands-on learning environments that allow for plenty of movement, rather than sitting at a table all day. Academic skills are better developed through real-life applications.

I had often heard about alternative methods of homeschooling through various resources, but the traditional school setting was so deeply ingrained in my mind from my own school experience that I didn’t fully grasp the more unconventional methods until I observed how attending school for eight hours a day affected my children.

One of my kids, in particular, is quite impulsive. He frequently got into trouble in class because he couldn’t sit still for long periods of time. Although he excelled academically, he was often punished for his restlessness. Teaching children to sit still for a certain amount of time is important, but forcing them to remain seated for hours on end can be challenging, especially when they are so young.

Even though my children attended a Christian school, academics remained the primary focus. The teachers there weren’t focused on training my kids, correcting their poor character traits, or equipping them with practical skills for real-life scenarios. As a result, I had to take on these responsibilities at home, despite having significantly less time to guide them.

Homeschooling 2.0

So, we decided to ditch the unnecessary workbooks and instead focus on activities the kids took an interest in, such as baking, exploring nature, painting, and reading. After years of having them back home, I’ve learned homeschooling is a lifestyle that teaches your kids the fundamentals of academics, how to thrive in the real world, and spiritual lessons that will follow them throughout their lives. Not everyone’s homeschool will look the same, but if the traditional school method is leaving you wanting, consider exploring alternative approaches. Since implementing this revelation, we have all come to enjoy learning much more than we did before, and academic training now accounts for only a small portion of our homeschooling.

Conclution

I recognize that my initial challenges in homeschooling were mainly due to my defeatist mentality and my resentment about the situation. At the time, I lost sight of God’s grace, which had a greater impact on me than I realized. Looking back, I can’t believe I persevered through so much chaos in my life while simultaneously feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. To anyone who can relate to my story, I would ask, Who told you you weren’t doing enough?

Educating our children at home isn’t merely about how quickly they can recall their math facts. While academics are important, I don’t think they are more important than character development and spiritual well-being. Training our children in righteousness far exceeds the benefit of them knowing what homophones are. If our kids learn the square root of 64 but lack spiritual disciplines, does that make them well off?

If sitting at the table for six hours a day doing workbooks with your kids has everyone in tears, don’t be afraid to turn on a documentary, go for a walk, sit with them and talk, or just read a story instead!

God’s grace and mercy never fail nor end. All of life’s circumstances are an opportunity to cling to Jesus and grow in the grace and knowledge of God. If you have fallen away from grace, God may allow you to lay homeschooling down for a season, but let my story inspire you not to fear picking it back up if He calls you to.

Patience is a virtue everyone wants, but few are willing to fight for it. It requires you to do the hard things —the very things you don’t want to do. It will stretch you, refine you, and if you endure, it will bloom a beautiful garden of peace and long-suffering for you. If you’re a new homeschool mom, don’t rush through the hard seasons—they’re shaping more than just your children. They’re shaping you, too.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.